hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You ruined the universe
Randomize
