Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
