omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
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It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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