I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
my being single is dangerous.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
