Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
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