I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
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On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
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I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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