I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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