Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
