I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
