I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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