What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
