you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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