I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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