It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
