If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
