i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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