I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize