Don't you send me to vm
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
