You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My vagina is officially offended.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
