honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Drunk is not a location!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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