ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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