I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
