he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
