in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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