when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
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