I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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