I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
