I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
