I molested 6 butterflies tonight
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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