Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
