just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize