oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Randomize
