we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
