you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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