I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
