I wanna bring you to show and tell
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
