he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
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I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
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His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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