I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
