I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
