I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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