Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
