sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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