He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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