I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
