good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You are a genius and a whore.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
