: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
