he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
