i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
