dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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