East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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