After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
