i'm signing you up for texting rehab
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize