There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
