You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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