you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
