both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
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Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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