He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
