It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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