I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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