I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
