Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
