Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
