you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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