He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
