go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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