I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Vodka?
Forever.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
