I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
