Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
