I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
