I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
