i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
