i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
