pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
