He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
