im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
