My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize