I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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