If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?