It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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